Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda

Next!

 My weekend has been amazing for three reasons:

1. I've gone to the pool every day
2. I've drank like a fish
3. Most importantly, I have been surrounded by people who love me.  Really, truly love me and always will.  And I bet if I asked to hold their hand, they would.  And that's pretty great.  

  Getting over a breakup Let's be real - getting dumped - is a whole lot easier to do when I realized I wasn't defined by that relationship.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized I am defined by really awesome things right now.  Things like:

• Grad school

• A fucking awesome job

• Found family

• My level of motivation

• You know... awesome things.  Positive things.  Forward-motion things.

The thing about it is, he isn't a bad guy.  He's a great guy, and I really mean that.  But.... we just aren't right for each other.  And that's ok.   We'll be ok. No wait, we'll both be great.   ...especially me. 

I recently found out that most bloggers write their blog then don't post it so that they can come back at a later date to edit and rewrite parts of it. 

That is just absurd.  You write things because that's what is in your heart right at that EXACT moment.  I can't feel good about editing what I'm truly feeling.  Maybe if I was planning on getting some kind of blog writing award for my amazing blog, I would consider it (considering and doing are different things.) but I just can't hop on that train. 

...I guess (now) that it's actually no surprise that I pulled my car over on the side of the road and made someone get out when he laughed at me for crying.  He got what was coming for him in that exact moment.

Sunburns are amazing. 

Amazingly painful.  

My current sunburn was totally worth it after a day filled with baseball, beer and giant sized jenga.  Oh, and my best friend in the whole wide world.  She's great.  One of the things I love about her is that she introduced me to this amazing footbridge:

I love footbridges.  There is such a sense of adventure built into them.  Excitement, exploration, serenity...

Life is one long and twisted road, but a best friend can always help you find a good footbridge to run down and forget about life for a little bit.  And for that... I am thankful.  I'm also thankful for aloe. 

I am an emotional person...(understatement). 

However, even though I have all of the emotions of twelve people at a time (no I don't have MPD...pretty sure) I do a great job (self evaluated) at keeping them under control.  That is... until the other day. 

Short scenario... I have almost all guy friends.  Being a girl, this is awesome and awful all at once.  Sometimes they forget that even though I am a gun toting, boxing BA (that's short hand for Bad Ass. also, I'm not really gun toting, but I do know how to shoot well) I still have feelings and a somewhat (very) sensitive soul.  SO when I am sad and expressing hurt feelings to them and they LAUGH at me when I am crying... chaos ensues.  This has only happened to me once in my life, and my reaction was just as surprising to my victim (read: best friend... or was...) as it was to myself. 

It went like this, as we are driving to the world's most magical place, Coors Field:

Me: crying.  hysterically.
Jerk: ...laughing.
Me: are you laughing at me right now?
Jerk: still laughing
Me: GET OUT!
Jerk: are you serious?
Me: GET OUT OF MY CAR

so he did.  And I drove away.  Then I called my dad.  He said "whoa whoa pull over you can not drive and cry like this, this is not like you".  My response?  "Dad, I can't pull over! I have to get away, if I stop, he might think I was joking."

So I kept driving.  I regained my composure.  I called some other friends and we all went to the game.  And guess what?  It was awesome.

And guess what else?  I don't even feel bad.  

Sometimes I guess you just have to demand some respect.

keep your head down

Atoms have a nucleus, made of protons and neutrons bound together. Around this nucleus shells of electrons spin, and each shell is either full or trying to get full, to balance with the number of protons—to balance the number of positive and negative charges. An atom is like a human heart, you see.  — Kim Stanley Robinson

I've decided this is my time to strike my balance in life. I won't say "it's been a long time coming" nor will I say "I hope this works"...but I will say I've never been more ready for this. Mostly this blog will be for myself, but if someone stumbles across it and enjoys my recounts of learning to golf, starting my first real adult life career job, mishaps at boxing lessons, trips to Vegas and everything in between, then I guess that's ok too. Bonus points if I get a few laughs out of strangers too. Bonus bonus points if I can make people remember the simple beauty that surrounds all of us.

 This is from one of the Mile High Music Festivals in Denver, CO. The clouds look like angel wings.  Or a bat...